Beautiful Monday

Yesterday was Mothers Day, a beautiful warm day with my sister, nephew, and friends. A wonderful lunch and talk of our Mothers. I hope everyone who is lucky enough to have their mom, told them how much love you had for them. I for one miss my Mom more as the years roll away, and my Grandmother was a "Southern Bell" who is missed just as much.
We left Pinehurst after church and lunch and drove to Lumberton to place flowers on Billy's family plot. The only one missing there is me.
Still smoking, but quitting is in the future again.

Depression

I have had trouble all day with depression creeping in to spoil my joy, and it almost succeeded. But a good friend sent me an email, that just made me realize God brought me to this situation, and he will take me through. I think sometimes, my depression happens because I have always been spoiled. I know if only Billy was here my life would be so different, but I know this is not possible. I am still grieving, will it ever really get better?
Could it be I am expecting God to fall for my "pouting" because I am having a rough time. Please give me a break! It is past time for me to grow up and just Trust the Lord, like I profess that I do.
Why is it, we all can talk, but when our walk has to match, I (speaking for myself) fail. I pray several times a day, do my Bible Study, and profess to God I Trust and Love Him, but then I whine and get depressed. Wheres the trust I say I have?
I am deeply ashamed of myself for today. God gave me a beautiful day and I wasted it with feeling sorry for myself.
God if tomorrow is mine I will take the day and Praise you for the Blessing.