I need to walk where I can eat

Well, most people walk to loose weight me I am needing the excercise where I can eat more without gaining. I am overweight and need to loose, but food is beginning to tast so much better.
I mean just in this short time of not smoking, food is already tasting better.
I am checking out the the low carbohydrates diets. I love meats, eat very few vegetables, but the snacks are not bad. Roasted and salted sunflower seeds, nuts, and ect. Do not get me wrong, cakes, ice cream, cookies and pies are really the snacks I love, but I love crunchy and it helps feel a void. Now this is how I feel today, but at the rate I keep changing my life around who knows.

Walking

Well, I think stopping smoking might have been easier! Boy years of smoking, I have no breathing skills, I walked maybe 3/4 of a mile with rest stops, and no I do not feel invigorated like all experts say.
Of course like everything else you have to walk a little everyday. Everyone says when you have thed urge to smoke-walk and breathe! Now how you do thisz at the same time is still greek to me, but I am going to continue, if I do not die from round one which I think is highly unlikely.
Billy is definetly turning over in his grave all the years we were married and he always wanted me to stop smoking.
I do feel like Billy is in heaven, encouraging me make it. I mean even tho I feel blessed because I have seen my son grown and his children almost grown. But my work on earth is not done, be-cause I am still here.

Surprise

It is a beautiful day, I attented church, went out to lunch and NO SMOKING !! I am really feeling good about myself, and it has been quite a while since I have felt good about myself. You loose your confidence and self-worth when you loose a job.
Monday, I am going to go walking while my nephew runs his 5 miles. I know I am eating more and like I stated before, I am not a light weight. So another life change hmmmm, what is happening here?

Actually it is day 8

I will call this day 5 even tho My last pack lasted 2 1/2 days. But you know I feel stronger, my first thought this morning was coffee not smoking. This surprises me, I have been smoking a lot of years.
My husband is probaly turning over in his grave ! I quit drinking and SMOKING just not at the same time. I have now got to start walking. I am over weight now and they say food only gets better-I am in big trouble. I love all the wrong foods, I love red meat, fried foods and never met a chocolate or a bread that I did not love. You will notive I did not use to word like but love.
You know if I could qualify for medicaid I could have gastric bypass but that is a whole other blog subject. But at this point time Social Security says I am not disabled either !
After my Drs. appt we will revist this subject.
I could not have picked a worst time to quit smoking, I am broke and cannot invest in anything extra. But I guess, there really is not a good time, I have always come up with excuses in the past.

Sick

I do not know if this withdrawal or a real virus. I could not sleep last night, headache, nausea,and I felt crampy all over. I could have walked a mile or maybe even two for a smoke, menthol or non menthol would not have mattered.
But it is now noon of the fourth day in 60 min it will be 96 hours and all the nicotine should be out of my body. So now starts breaking the habit and the brain learning that every-
time I feel stressed, sad, happy,hungry,bored,angry, and all other feelings my brain has been taught to associate with smoking.
I have really been praying this morning, I know my faith is kicking in or I would have failed by now ! Especially here near Easter, when I know that God gave his Son to this world to die for me, forgive me of what I consider unforgivable sins why would I have any doubts on His strengh and power to help me quit smoking.

Still Rough

Well, if all is right the nicotine will be out of my body in less than 24 hrs. Well I do not feel any better. and the craving is still there and the nicotine gum still taste like crap!! But, I still am not ready to have to go thru this withdrawal again. In my mind if I can make it until Monday 03/30/09, then I have it made.
I do not think anyone can say cigaretts taste good or make you smell good. Billy, used to tell me that was how he quit drinking. He said even tho he did not drink that much, he knew that after a beer you smelled like a brewery.
I am going to a wake tonight, so there is no smoking, and the friend I am riding with is also a non smoker. So it goes back to the Lord hears our prayers. I left my glasses at a resturant out of town so I am unable to drive another blessing from above? I think so !!
My nephew will bring my eyes to me tonight late. Well I made it to the wake and out for coffee. I sat in the smoking section and made it thru !
However, I still think it is too early to say I WON- I mean 45 years of smoking, 3 days of not. Hmmm the scales of libra will not even balance out on that chance. But one day at a time.
The Lord has told me to let yesterday go; do not worry about tomorrow because God is handling it for me, and I just have to walk thru this day with faith.

Hard

Day 2 tobacco free-and still craving. Billy said he never craved another sip of beer. I think this must prove either men are stronger in some ways than women ot his faith was stronger than mine.
I like instant gratification like I want all the money I am going to save RIGHT NOW! And all that know me know I would go out and buy a new carton of my favorite smokes. so I know this is the way it has to be.
Yesterday I went out to lunch with a friend, another smoker. I arrived first so I decided to go to non-smoking section, so not to be tempted. Well my friend arrived and guess what SHE is now wearing a nicotine patch. Yes, there is a God and He answers prayers.
This is also a period in my life where I am really working on my relationship with God. I have found a Baptist Church I really like. The people are wonderful and the pastor speaks directly to my heart. So what is the problem? I am Presbyterian and have been baptized by christening, and to join a Baptist church you need to be submerged and Baptized. I feel in my heart that God accepts me as I am, and to render to being submerged in a Baptism pool, would make my entire life as a Christian an untruth. If this is crazy then I need someone to point this out to me.
I feel like if I had not been so vocal about this fact with my late husband, our lives may have been different. Billy was born and raised as a Baptist. I did offer to go with him to church but never offered to join. So we mostly stayed at home on Sundays. We prayed togeather many times and shared beliefs. However, We failed our son because WE failed to make the church a family tradition. This is something I take to the Lord every night of my life. My family made sure our son was raised in the church, and he still attends regularly. But our lives may have been so different. Some of the choices my son has made might have been different, had we attended church as a family!
This presents another problem, because the Bible states when a woman marries she leaves the home of her parents, She also is to follow his God, who is the same God I worship just different
churches. Does this mean I committed a sin, by keeping my beliefs?
Well, this is enough for today. I need to hang tight without nicotine, so support and prayers are appreciated.

Day 1

Well I have made it a full 24 hrs without smoking, and I am craving. They say it only takes 4 days to take all the nicotine from your body, 6 months to break the habit of holding IT between your fingers. However, I am cheating with the nicotine gum, nasty tasting stuff. I can not wear the patches due to a funky heart beat. But with the cost of tobacco, I should be able to pay off my home 5 years earlier.
If anyone is reading this, The blog I mentioned in earlier post for Jenni Cornwell, Jenni died
03/23/09. My heart breaks for this young lady's husband and familiy. Jenni fought a hard battle, and her family was with her fighting just as hard. Please pray for this family.
I know how hard it is dealing with death and then all the red tape that is required. When you
loose a loved one and employers only give you 3 days to bury your loved one and return to work, this is something that needs to be changed in our society.

Leaning on Faith

Well today is the day I am going to let my walk match my talk about God. I quit smoking today!
My husband had the will power and patience of Job. When the Drs. told him he needed to quit drinking beer-he quit never to pick it back up or even talk about a beer. It did not stop him from going to our same old hang outs or stop being around friends that drank.
He always said why pay the Dr. if you are not going to listen to what he tells you. When he was told he was type II diabetic from then on he watched everything he put in his mouth.
I learned a lot from this man, and we are going to see if I the person he was. He prayed about situations, and used strengh from God.
So tomorrow we will start the countdown of days without smoking. Today does not count because I finished smoking my last pack today.
I cannot afford to smoke and my cardiologist has written me off because I have not quit. SO anyone that reads this post please pray for me.

March 22, 2009

I think Sundays are the hardest day of the week to get thru. In the old days, I would sleep a little late and then get up and prepare a big Sunday lunch. I miss this.
Now I get up get ready for church, and my nephew prepares lunch, after he gets back from church. Yes, my nephew lives with me, and cooks, cleans and etc. I have had some rough times since Billy died.
I lost my job, then I got really sick. A staph infection, from minor surgery. I though I was going to die. Also other aches and pains, attacked my body. I have cubital syndrome in both elbows, so keying on this blog is really tough but I need it for therapy.
I am however looking for a job, but it is tough times. All I know is medical field support,(clerical work), but I do believe the Lord will provide.
It does take a lot of faith when a spouse dies, and you have been married all your life. I think all men and women need to be cross trained in household duties. I knew nothing about maintenance that had to be done to keep the home running smooth. Boy, I am learning a lot about small tools and repair.

They say it is never to late to learn

March 21,2009
I never thought I would be the one setting up a blog. I would like to direct this blog as a communication tool for older widows. Those of us that feel we are too old to start our lives over but still feel the need to reach out for friendships. I have now been a widow since 10/10/2006, and still feel that I am married to the same man. I go out with friends and enjoy myself, but still feel the reserved feeling of marriage.
The truth is I do not really want to change that feeling. I do not live in a make believe world of kidding myself that my spouse is coming home, but rather feel he is waiting on me to join him in his world.
No, our lives were not perfect, it was 37 years and 9 months of riding a roller coaster. Some of the ride was scary and rough, other parts of the ride were wonderful and enjoyable.
I have left a link for another blog http://jennibugg.blogspot.com Please click on there and help out this family.
Another place I ask that people who like games will go is I Won.com I am on a team that supports Drs. without Borders.