At Least

Well, yes I bought the smokes, but I have only smoked 3 in 2 days. I have left them in the car and I physically have to walk to the car to retrieve 1 only. This is not good but better than the 2-2 1/2 packs a day I was smoking.
I do know now I can quit, which is different from before. According to all I have read it sometimes takes several times to quit. I did quit mostly for financial reasons now that I think about my reasoning.
I have lost and given up so much that I really enjoyed in my life. I know smoking is bad for you, plus it stinks ( I now know how bad). I hate that I disappointed some people that love me, but I did not quit for them, and now its is life when they make crude remarks, about my lighting up again, it makes me more determined to do what I want to do.
I have to much time on my hands. My nephew does all the cooking and cleaning, in fact I am not allowed to do either ( his is so good to me but his OCD is a problem) My doctor says I really am not able to work, I have done volunteer work but my limitations has caused some problems.
I could go back to visit some of the elderly friends in the skilled nursing home where I used to work, but it is very awkward.
I do not know, I read a lot , my Bible, fiction, non fiction and the news on every search engine I know. I am really getting more into walking. I am just confused about what I want and where I am headed.
I did go purchase flowers for my Billy's grave, so next week I will drive to Lumberton and place them on his grave. Maybe after I talk with him ( yes I still talk to him and God, because I believe they are both listening), I will have a better direction,