Reflections

Do more, give more, be more than expected and you will never be without. It's like having faith in tomorrow because you have seen today.

IWishYouEnough
Bob Perk
Well its another Sunday without Billy and I am so lonely all of a sudden. I went to church, and it was a very good message today, on what we leave our children and grandchildren in our wills. Mickey spoke directly to my heart and to the fact that mine and Billy's will to our son was far short from what it should have been. I am not talking material items but legacy's of having a relationship with God.

I looked at my ex daughter in law playing the piano during the worship service and my grandchildren in the audience. How different their lives might have been if Billy and I had concentrated more on Sunday mornings, instead of going out dancing on Saturday nights, or cooking at friends homes.

Driving back from church at noon, I passed by so many young families in their homes and yards making the same mistakes we made. We had to sleep in Sunday mornings due to staying out so late on Saturday night. No, William was in church thanks to my mother and grandparents, but not with the 2 people that God entrusted the responsibility for providing life's training skills, to a child on loan from God. I just would love to tell all these young families, these are mistakes you cannot correct year later. God will forgive, but I do not believe it will be forgotten , for I will have to see this in the face of my son and his estranged family every time I see them. Billy and I committed a sin that has affected other lives that should not be punnished for our sin.

I know if anyone ever does read this blog they will know what a horrible person I have been in my life. I cannot afford to judge any one elses life due to the life I have led, and up until my spiritual journey, I would have told you I was a good person. I tried to keep the commandments, respect my parents and love my neighbors, but I am discovering there really is a narrow path to calling yourself a christian.

I have to believe as Billy and I started the last three years of his life, that the above subject is one that he and God discussed. Billy and I prayed often to geather, and I know he prayed about his relationship with our son in his private prayers. No wonder, I had a dependency on nicotine. due to dealing with quilt. I know God has forgiven me, because the scriptures say this is true, but I also believe it will not be forgotten.

I hope some of you followed the "Jennibug Blog", such a wonderful young christian person, now her parents raised their children with the basics all young children should have. Even tho their mother died young also from breast cancer. In fact it was that blog what spurned me to start one of my own. Jenni's young husband, Josh started her blog sitting in hospital waiting rooms. his parents also did a fantastic job in parenting. At the wake for Jenni, I met his parents and I already knew her surviving parent Jim- they are to be praised for their "will" left to their children, even tho all except Jenni's mother are still alive.